Stories about wood and woodworking

STORIES ABOUT WOOD & WOODWORKING

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A Salutary Tale on the Subject of Stairs-- for the people who design and fit them.

'Excuse me, here comes another villain.'

Levin jumped out of the wagonette, in which he had already taken his seat, to meet the carpenter, who came towards the steps with a rule in his hand.

'You didn't come to the counting house yesterday, and now you're detaining me. Well, what is it?'

'Would your honour let me make another turning? It's only three steps to add. And we make it just fit at the same time. It will be much more convenient.'

'You should have listened to me,' Levin answered with annoyance. 'I said: Put in the lines and then fit in the steps. Now there's no setting it right. Do as I told you, and make a new staircase.'

The point was that in the lodge that was being built the carpenter had spoilt the staircase, fitting it together without calculating the space it was to fill, so that the steps were all sloping when it was put in place. Now the carpenter wanted keeping the same staircase, to add three steps.

'It will be much better.'

'But where's your staircase coming out with its three steps?'

'Why, upon my word, sir,' the carpenter said with a contemptuous smile. 'It comes out right at the very spot. It starts, so to speak,' he said with a persuasive gesture; 'it comes down, and comes down, and comes out.'

'But three steps will add to the length too . . . where is it to come out?'

'Why, to be sure, it'll start from the bottom and go up and go up, and come out so,' the carpenter said obstinately and convincingly.

'It'll reach the ceiling and the wall.'

'Upon my word! Why, it'll go up, and up, and come out like this.'

Levin took out a ramrod and began sketching him the staircase in the dust. 'There, do you see?'

'As your honour likes,' said the carpenter, with a sudden gleam in his eyes, obviously understanding the thing at last. 'It seems it'll be best to make a new one.'

'Well, then, do it as you're told,' Levin shouted, seating himself in the wagonette. 'Down! Hold the dogs, Philip!'

Levin felt now at leaving behind all his family and household cares such an eager sense of joy in life and expectation that he was not disposed to talk. Besides that, he had that feeling of concentrated excitement that every sportsman experiences . . .

Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenin

P.S. Following the emancipation of the serfs, the trial and error method of installing stairs was for the most part abandoned even in the deep, dark forests of Russia where timber is plentiful and you can have vodka for breakfast, lunch and tea.